uncomfortable situations

Have you ever believed you've forgiven someone and then you see them and instantly feel bitter and resentful? It's happened to me with one particular couple that have caused my family a lot of grief and if I was to really dwell on what they've done it could potentially ruin my christmas. I have continuously asked God to forgive them and to forgive me for even feeling so badly about them. And they probably have no idea of the extent of what they have done to us.  I've been asking God "whats the key here? whats the lesson? help me be mature in you Lord and rise above the emotions." Then this morning I was standing in the kitchen thanking God for his riches and glory in my life and I realised something very important.  What has been taken from us has meant I have to reach out to God in such a greater level of faith now. Instead of being angry, I'm grateful. God places us in uncomfortable situations to help us grow in character and strength.  It's not about the loss, God is far greater than that. It's about exactly that.. his greatness. He says if he looks after the birds in the trees how much more does he look after his children. I don't need to feel disappointed in myself for having bad feelings, I just have to be quick to recognise them and run straight to my daddy God who turns all things meant for bad into good for those who love him.  I love my God, my Jesus, and I love that he knows me more than I know myself. He made me this way and he says this about me... "you're so lovely".  So I'll keep on forgiving so I can look all  in the face with love and compassion. God says if we live this day doing his will (forgiving with love and blessings) he will shower us with blessings.

Deuteronomy 28:1-2
If you will listen to the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all his commandments which I command you this day, the Lord your God will set you high above the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you if you heed the voice of the Lord your God.

I really love the part where the blessing will overtake me... Wow imagine that!!!!

Angel paintings

Its amazing how a little holiday can break the momentum of writing. It's been about 3 weeks since my last confession ha ha. I'm guessing I have about 15 mins before willow wakes up so I'll quickly tell you about the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me over the break.  Well, as you may already know I've started writting a series of children's books and I desperately needed some time off to do some research.  It always amazes me how God already knows and he goes before me and paves the way.  I had already bought the book I needed to read, just filled the car up with petrol and my house was unusually clean.  Not in any sort of preparation for a holiday, just normal stuff that happens to coincide with my inlaws coming back from their long holiday and my husband having some work up the coast where he needed accommodation for the week.  Aha its all looking like a 'daddy has a wee surprise for his special girl kind of moment'... and it was.  The wonderful parent in-laws came by on the wednesday morn and sent me on my way.  No children for two days! I couldn't believe it, this has only happened I think 5 times in the past 5 years! I drove up the coast and had about 5 hours to kill before Brad finished work so I shopped for a little bit, had some lunch.. and then found myself sitting on the beach reading the most amazing story of a 4 year old boy who went to heaven.  Sitting there reading I said to Jesus, "Do you think I could please see an angel while I'm sitting here, that would be so cool".  I kept looking around expecting to see some bright flash of light and Someone with big wings turn up.  It didn't happen as I was hoping but as I walked up the street to buy a coffee the Lord spoke to me and said "Look up". As I looked up into the sky it was as if angels had flapped their wings in the clouds and they had spread out across the sky in a way I'd never seen before. It was absolutely beautiful.  They had been painting pictures for me in the sky and it really did make my heart flutter.  God knows what speaks to me and anything arty always gets me going.  Spending time with God that day was just the recharge I needed and then to top it all off I had a night with my husband, my other favourite delicacy! It was so strange the next morning after he'd left for work (6am) and I was all alone again. I actually missed the noise of the girls and I was a little lost without them.  I decided I needed to remember that feeling because I'd be home soon wishing I could come back to the peace and quiet.  Sometimes you need to move away from the ones you love to be able to recognise the importance of them in your life.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder???? I think so.

Chasing your dreams

There's a very important place in our hearts where we store our dreams. Without a dream there's nothing to accomplish, nothing to have focus on.  Over the past year I've been trying to find what my dreams are, what they were, and I had come to the conclusion that I'd never really allowed myself to have dreams. It had never been something I was encouraged to do, so I had been cruising along stealing other peoples dreams.  I never really really wanted to be a hairdresser but I was told I was good at it and I knew it was what my Mum really wanted to do so for 16 years I fulfilled her dream.  When you hold a passion in your heart to do something amazing or be someone extraordinary you are able to focus on what you want and go for it.  There will always be loads of opportunities that get thrown your way and without a focus you could find yourself grabbing at each one and thinking "oh that was sooo from God" when really its just life.  When you have focus you only take the opportunities that support your passion. You pass on the things that don't, and in doing so, allow the person next to you to take hold of what may move them along on their journey. A couple of weeks ago I was blogging about reading bible stories to children in the park. It didn't stop there.  The more I thought about it the more God revealed to me the hidden dreams from my childhood.  I now remember instead of wanting to be a doctor or nurse or vet like everyone else I wanted to be a news reader.  Thats right I liked the idea of getting all dressed up, sitting behind a desk on tv and reading the news. Much like my idea of reading to children, just with a kinder audience.  I also thought about how I always wanted to write books... hmmm... Is this an untangling of hidden dreams coming to life? I felt prompted in my spirit of a beautiful genre to write about and for the first time in a long time I am chasing a dream and it feels great! Writing my own books and reading them to children.  When you allow yourself to have a dream you start living the dream.  I'm going to sleep thinking about these books, I'm daydreaming about reading them to children. I've even started writing the first one. To do great things you really need to know what it is you want to do and then live, eat, sleep, dream and breathe it.  Do you have a dream? Are you on the right road, taking the right steps? Share your dreams with Daddy God, he loves to hear them. He wants to co-exist with you.  He doesn't demand that we follow his dreams, that why he gives us the ability to dream. It's what you want to do, he knows your gifts and talents, he gave them to you. Search your heart, ask God to help you find your dreams and then tell him about them. As a Dad he's over excited to help you.  I pray that God will reveal to you the dreams of your heart, that he will birth a passion inside of you that extends the gifts and talents that are already there waiting.  I also pray that great opportunities will be brought into your pathway. I pray for focus, determination and perseverance. Amen! God bless you as you find and follow you dreams

Be prepared for revival.... and feijoas

I love the fruit feijoa. It's my absolute favourite, and living in Australia its very hard to come by and if you do find it you pay an incredible price, in comparison to NZ, where you walk down most streets and in season will be dodging them lying on the pavement. Anyway, I found two young feijoa trees (more like sticks with a few leaves on) and I purchased them and planted them down the bottom of my property.  They have been there for 5 months now and haven't done a lot, actually, I can see why they are the price they are over here.. its just not wet enough through winter.  Yesterday, I was standing on my deck looking down at these trees and I thought "they really need a water".  The thing is, its a mission to get the water down to them, and there had been talk of a storm coming in the evening. So, did I make the effort or just wait for the storm to come? Can you see where I'm going with this? I decided to bucket some water down to them and as I did I saw the task as more spiritual than I first believed.  You see if you have much to do with the church at the moment, you would've heard about the prophesies of a spiritual revival coming.  Much like the word of a storm coming.  If you're like me and want to see more of heaven on earth, then the thought of a revival where heavenly signs and wonders become the 'norm' will get you pretty excited. Much like my tree producing fruit.  I can't wait around for rain to come I need water now! The storm didn't come, we had crazy winds and fires breaking out instead.  I'm sure the storm will come eventually but for now, I'm glad I made the effort to water my tree, it will be that much closer to bearing fruit in due season.  Likewise for spiritual growth, don't wait for revival to come, be prepared already. God fill our hearts with holy fire,  flood us with your spiritual rain.  I want to bring you glory in everything I do, right here, right now, Amen.

Church in the park????

Ever thought about doing something out of the box that may offend some but could save others? Well, I had this busting thought come over me and it has consumed my days since friday night.  What if I took church to the park? I have no idea on the legality of sitting under a tree on a sunday morning, reading children's bible stories with a large voice, but I think it could be an approach to a world that clearly needs its younger generation to be taught some healthy bible principles.  Most of my generation and older grew up with some sort of church input and it developed an interest and then a hunger to know God.  The bible says in proverbs 22 v 6 'teach a child in the way he shall go and when he is old he shall not depart from it.' I can't sit back and wait for someone else to hopefully mingle in with the children at parks on a Sunday morning, that are potentially missing out on a faith that will see them through the hard times and bring them to new hope.  I want to do something different, I want to be that someone that cares enough to make a difference. Could we turn this into something that takes off around the world? I think so. Any ideas, I'd love to hear them.  Do you know of anyone who already does this, I'd love to meet them. I'm sure there has to be some sort of red tape that has to be cut, there always is. The best part is, if God has anything to do with putting this idea in my heart.... he'll make it happen. Well, now that I've shared this with you I'm accountable and have to actually do more than just look into it.  Eeeeek how exciting!! I'll keep you up to date with my progress.....
psalm 131 v 12  If your children will keep My covenant and My testimony that I shall teach them, their children also shall sit upon the throne forever.

Blood is thicker than water

I've been very blessed this last week with my Aunty and Uncle over from NZ on holidays.  Being overseas from most of our family means we miss out on whats going on and our parties are always a little smaller without the family fill ins:) There's something extra special about family that no one else can come close to.  They deserve the most forgiveness, hold the most respect, you could even say its a different kind of love when it comes to family.  It can be years between visits but somehow its like you've always been together.  Cousins are amazing gifts. You get to grow up together, know all about the 'family secrets' and laugh at the Aunties and Uncles in a way that only cousins understand.  I'm blessed to have such a large family and I'd like to take this opportunity to let them all know how much I love them.  That includes the crazy ones willing to marry my cousins and join in this wild bunch.  I'd also like to raise my glass to my Nana who without her continuing prayer for us all I'm sure we would have fallen apart.  She is the umbrella of Gods love that shelters us and covers us with Gods protection. I never really understood the concept of 'blood is thicker than water' but over the past year with connection through facebook and my cousins moving around the corner I can see how important it is.  So in saying all that how much more connected must we be to the father of all fathers?  God created us in his likeness to be fruitful on this earth.  He calls us his sons and daughters.  His wish is to bless us like a father gives to his child.  He says we are all brothers and sisters through christ.  Can we be as loving to our friends as we are to our family? Friends come and go but family is always there.  Can I encourage you to think of your family and how important they are to you.  They are Gods precious gift of support and no matter how many times they may have hurt you, said the wrong thing, gone out with the wrong person etc you have to forgive them and don't waste time holding bitterness. Reach out and let them know they are precious to you.  Its what Gods wants, for us all to love one another. Be merciful and graceful. And then take a good look at your friends, they may not have family, you could be it and not even know it.  Reach out to your friends in love, they will be your brothers and sisters in heaven!

A pile of 12 stones

Sharing a testimony is one of the most important things we can do, for our lives to impress on others.  When God does something amazing for us it totally blesses him in return when we share it with others. Keeping a memory of testimonies in your heart to bring out and inspire others and yourself is what keeps your faith alive.  In Joshua 4v6-7 they were told to leave a pile of 12 stones to remind the next generations of the wonders and miracles God performed. The children would ask what the stones were there for and out came a story of how God cut off the waters of Jordan so the ark of the covenant could pass through.  It was their testimony and when shared it created new hope for better things to come.
Here is an awesome testimony and I pray that if you're having car troubles this will bounce onto you and you will receive the same blessing.
My Best friend had her daughter booked in for surgery and the cost was substantial.  I said to her how about we pray that God heals her daughter and she doesn't need the surgery and hence no large sums of money lost.  She said she'd already paid the deposit so just pray that its not too painful, lol.  The weekend before the big trip to hospital in the city her car broke down. My cousin hunted around and found a quote for $760 to get it repaired but not until the next week.  Between my cousin and I we made sure they had transport to get there and back so on that part of it we had done all we could do in our own strength.  Now this is where it gets cool... I prayed a very specific prayer that the Little one wouldn't be in any pain and that the surgeons wouldn't have to do as much as expected and that the cost would come down. I then specifically said to God that it needed to be $760 less.  How excited was I when I received the call to say they hadn't had to perform the whole procedure and because of that they would be $700 better off.  Then I had a word to God (as you would to your own Dad, I guess) and I said hold on a minute God I said $760... wheres the other $60?
A week went by and the car went in to be fixed and my husband kindly offered to take her to pick up the car.  Just incase they saw a beautiful young woman and might try and charge her extra.  I'm sure that does happen on occasion.  Apparently my husbands face was priceless when said they had dropped the price by $60..... there's my extra $60!!!!!! WHAT?????? How cool is that!!!
There's always only so much we can do in our own strength and the rest is up to God. God gives us the holy spirit as our divine helper.  He enables us to do what we need to do, and he does what we cannot do.  I couldn't make the operation less or the car cost less, all I could do was drive to the hospital to pick her up and pray to God that he would do the rest.
And he did!
Zechariah 4 v 6 Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit says the Lord
When God gives you a testimony like this make yourself a pile of stones to remember it by.  Something that will jog your memory to remind you of the good things God had done in your life.

It's not what you know...it's who

I had an amazing revelation today that has taken me all week to get.  A girlfriend text me a message saying "its not what you know, but who you know". This is the title for my next blog she said.  So I started thinking about it in my own head... and thinking... and thinking. Now I hold this friend up pretty highly and I have upmost belief that when she prophesies to me about what I'm going to write about I need to run with it.  So in my own head I thought of how God had brought us together and knowing her was much better than knowing about her, umm I started trying to put it together with others that I knew and how they made an influence on my life. I then had a dream about baking cupcakes and when I researched the dream it all pointed to me baking up my own ideas.  God was trying to tell me something and until I stopped trying to work it out myself and just took some time with him I just wasn't getting it.  Until today.  The who in who I know wasn't a particular person it was God.  The focus isn't on what I know.. what matters is that I know God, he's the who...der.  I was asked to show my hairdressing skills at an expo where I could help women find ways to do their hair to make them shine.  Now I have 16 years hairdressing experience but I gave it up 4 years ago when I had my eldest daughter and I know that I'm not up to date with whats in fashion and I was really stressing about what 'I knew'.  This is when the revelation hit me that it really didn't matter what I knew but that I knew God. Because is it honestly about the hair? No, its about sharing my God with others and he will work through me just by being obedient.  Now all day I've had kiwi artist Jenny Morris singing away in my head - You I know

But its you I know and no one else will do

Yes its you I know and all you put me through

When I was driftin down you pulled me up agai-ain

and its you I know, you'll love me to the end

Argh go away 80's song, I'm trying to write!

The funny thing is that I don't even think I can do the expo because its during the day when I take Summer to gymnastics.  I'm sure God will make a way if thats where he wants me and I'm not as nervous now knowing that I know God and he never fails me. And perhaps he was using this as an example for me to get the bigger picture?  

Deuteronomy 7 v 9

Know, recognize, and understand therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, Who keeps covenant and steadfast love and mercy with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.

How awesome is that. Just by knowing God we can stand steadfast in his love and mercy.  I'm a long way from perfect, and I'm going to say the wrong things at times but I can be safe in the fact that God is faithful and even when I step out and try something new without all the knowledge that I may need he is always there to save me and his spirit is there to guide me through. And hey, if I do mess it up... I now have more knowledge to get it right next time. 

Proverbs 2 v 6-10

For the Lord gives skilful and Godly wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He hides away sound and Godly wisdom and stores it for the righteous; He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity, That he may guard the paths of justice; yes, he preserves the way of the saints. Then you will understand righteousness, justice, and fair dealing in every area and relation; yes, you will understand every good path. For skilful and Godly wisdom shall enter your heart, and knowledge shall be pleasant to you.

I guess what I'm saying is that God is the most important, he's the who.  Knowledge is important too but knowing God gives you the wisdom of how to use the knowledge you have which at the end of the day all came from him anyway. Yipee!!

Depression bites

Sometimes you just have a bad day, a bad week, an average month, a slow year. Depression starts kicking in when you have just had enough. Sitting there on the bathroom floor wishing it all away.  The tears are coming uncontrollably and the head is aching from all the tears.  The more you try and get your head around it the more problems you start to think of and the worse it gets.  It hasn't happened to me loads but I can say I've had those days, usually for me I let them go for a few days before I find my feet.  For others it takes a lot longer.  I'm not there right now, I'm happy with life this week, my husband is behaving himself, my health is good, we're being blessed with work, good friends and family.  I'm even receiving text messages from my Dad which always makes me feel special.  I don't know what lies around the corner waiting to steal my joy but I'm living for today and I'm choosing to enjoy it.  When Thor throws his hammer only he can catch it, likewise when life throws me a blow only I can smash it back to where it belongs.  It's my mind, my choice. I don't want to miss out on what God has for me because I'm not allowing him to set me free from condemnation.  This life is a fight. Its a fight to get through a day sometimes. But you know what, when you go to heaven there's no fighting, its all just love and love and love.  So if you like a challenge you'd better put on your armour and get fighting because you're going to need something to talk about when you get up there.  I love a good challenge and for me this week its about beating tiredness, about beating passivity.  Finding motivation to get out there and live.  It's too easy for me to stay home all day with my girls and complain about how much mess they make.  No one became famous for that.  Can you imagine walking through the gates of heaven and seeing Jesus and he says to you "did you do it? did you love? did you fight for me? I've been with you your whole life, watching you. I gave you amazing talents, did you use them?"I want to say "Yes!!, Yes Jesus, thank you!!"What will you say?

love, love, love

How do you see God? Is he a scary someone sitting in the clouds ready to send down lightening bolts whenever you mess up? Is he so far away you don't believe he hears a word you say?  Do you need to do things in order to please him? How do you find his love?
It upsets me to think that there are so many of us that have a misconception of who and what God is.  There's three simple words that sum it up.. God Is Love. 1 John 4 v 16.
If you have children you'll get this analogy easily. If your child came to you in strife, maybe they hadn't spoken to you for a while, hadn't done anything special for you lately but they were in trouble and they needed your help. Would you turn them away or would you do whatever possible to help.  Some might even say they would lay down their life for their child.  Thats love, it's the closest thing to unconditional love we can find.  We don't generally put too many conditions on our love for our own children. Maybe on our spouse, friends, neighbours but our children get loved no matter what.  How much more then does God love his children? You and I?  He doesn't expect anything from us, no amount of door knocking, no standing on the street corner waving a bible in the air.  You don't have to say anything, do anything, be anything, to be a beneficiary of Gods love.  He knew you before you were even born, he stands there at your side waiting for you to ask him for help. He knows everything about you and yet he still wants to dress you in fine robs of salvation and put a crown of glory on your head.  As you let God into your life and he fills you with his spirit piece by piece he removes the baggage and keeps filling you more and more with his love. Unconditional love. Thats right, his love has no conditions on it. The bible says that God inclines his ear to you, he leans in to you and he hears every whisper, every thought. He goes deep into your heart and he fills every gap, he is the completion of you. Even in the most difficult of times nothing can separate you from his love for you.  He is the father of all fathers and he made you in his image, with the ability to love and to be loved. I pray that you will really come to know the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge, that you may be filled through all your being unto the fullness of God. That you may have the richest measure of the divine presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God himself! Ephesians 3 v 19. Amen!!

Find your inner vows, find freedom

As a woman I know how important I am.  I bring to the table kindness, gentleness, courage, passion, joy and much more.  Without me my children wouldn't learn the gift of growing into a woman.  Without me my husband wouldn't get fed (ha ha), actually neither would the cat. As a woman I need to know these things about myself because how I am with myself is how my children will learn to be within themselves.  When I have confidence in who I am the world has confidence in me too.  My friends can trust in me and my family can depend on me.  So.. perhaps this answers my own question I had to myself.. Why are parents so needed and why do they hold so much influence on us?  It's always the heart cry of everyone. We've all had parents at some time of our lives whether it be for 5 minutes or 50 years.  How we are brought up makes us who we are.  As a child we perceive our parents so differently than how they realise.  When a Dad who is constantly at work is thinking "I need to do these extra hours to provide for my family" a child is seeing "my dad is never home, he doesn't want to spend time with me, I'm not important".  As a child you take what you see and you make deep inner vows to never be like that. How bad can an inner vow be? Seen as we're made up of so many of them it can cause a hardness in our hearts and can leak into our marriages and we see ourselves becoming exactly what we said we wouldn't.
*Everyone has made Inner vows as children, either consciously in our thoughts, or spoken out loud.  They are hidden and hard to find and left forgotten from many years ago.  We forget that we made them.  A root is formed and begins to grow undetected until years later through the law of increase has reaped a crop of the fruit evident in our own lives in the way we relate with one another and do life.

Ask the holy spirit to reveal the inner vows you've made as a child towards your parents.  It may be a little uncomfortable at first but as you start to recognise them and forgive your parents and yourself you can experience freedom to be the person God destined you to be.  Your parents did the best job they knew how and you need to acknowledge that and return it with blessings of love and forgiveness.  It will set them free too.

Daddy God, I pray for each person reading this blog. I ask holy spirit that you go deep into their hearts and reveal to them the inner vows of their hearts.  I pray you help them to forgive the ones the vows were made against and also to forgive themselves for their responses and for hardening their hearts.  Please soften their hearts and pour into their hearts everything they did not receive as a child.  Pour in everything that they missed by putting up walls before you and others.  I pray for blessings and favor in their lives this week.
In Jesus name Amen

*quoted material from Catch the fire College

Witchcraft, Drugs and Heaven

I have two concepts I'd like to intermingle together so I'm hoping I can write this and capture a space in your mind to paint a picture of what I think heaven might be like and also how important our dreams are.  So I'll start with the dream I had and explain the meaning of it.  (Also I believe God speaks to us in dreams and he uses parables and riddles just like he did in the bible).  I dreamt I was in a bathroom about to have a shower but there was a spider in there so I went to another shower and there was yet another spider. I tried fly spray to kill the spider but needed the help of a stranger to get rid of it.
This is what God was showing me and not only me, it was for my best friend also.
1) Bathroom - cleansing *
2) Bathing - cleansing/repentence *
3) Spider - (huntsman spider) predatory person/one who casts spells *
4) Stranger/man - angel.*
The spider representing witchcraft in this dream has a direct link to drug use.  The word sorceries in Revelation 9:21 is the greek word, pharmakeia. Which is where we get the word pharmacy.  The shower meaning I needed cleansing/repentence from the drug use in my past and the man helping was an angel.  When I told my girlfriend about the dream she shared with me that for the last 2 or more years every time she took notice of the time it was 11:11am/pm. She thought it was God saying she needed to pray for her daughters grandmother as it was her birthdate. The grandmother was involved in witchcraft and was constantly casting spells on her and her daughter.  What had happened was because we had taken our fair share of drugs together before and after becoming a christian (it took awhile to completely stop) we had allowed ourselves to be open in the spirit to witchcraft, hence giving the grandmother a hold over her.  As soon as we recognised what God was saying through the dream we repented and were set free.  She has not seen 11:11 again! Ephesians 6 v 12 "..we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers..in the heavenly places"
Moving along with this I want to take the drug use that I just admitted to and show you what I have come up with and please, I'd love your feedback as this is strictly from my own thoughts.  Back quite a few years ago now I was in love with ecstasy, cocaine, meth, whatever I could get my hands on actually.  It got to the point that I could not go out and have a good night without it.  Sure we had some crazy weekends but it was always at a risk. We never knew what was being cooked up in the mix.  Any one of these nights could've killed us.  To top it off was the come down.. to every high there is a low.    The high of ecstasy is overwhelming warmth, confidence, everyone around you is lovely and beautiful, you can dance like a pro, everything you touches feels amazing and comes to life in your hand.  So there's a pretty big drawcard to get on it. Little did I know this is another way of satan trying to win u over with falsities and not what true ecstasy is like at all.  So I was thinking, God is all powerful, he is glory and when anyone says holy, holy, holy is the lord God almighty the angels drop to there knees and worship him.  What if you were walking down the streets of heaven and you see angels dropping to there knees and as they bless the Lord he returns with waves of his glory transcending down the street and you get smashed over with his joy and love, legs in the air, laughing and crying uncontrollably trying to get it together till another wave comes along and you just look like you're constantly on heavenly ecstasy or drunk in the spirit, without ever coming down. Always happy!.  Worth giving your life over to God to spend eternity laughing and loving.  Just something for you to think about anyway.

  * The divinity code, to understanding your dreams and visions
by Adam F Thompson & Adrian Beale
(definitely recommend this book, it opens up so many possibilities to understand what God is saying to you in your dreams)

What does your name mean?

Before I start blogging I'd like to thank my sister Vanessa for allowing me to use her as my subject.  It hopefully will inspire you to check out your own name and what you are actually saying about yourself  without knowing it.  About 3 weeks ago I was tidying my bedroom when the Lord spoke to me and asked me to check out the meaning of Vanessa's name.  I thought "well, it means butterfly doesn't it?" Turns out with a little research you can learn a lot about a name and where it comes from.  The name Vanessa was made up by the poet Johnathon Swift who had written a poem "Cadenus and Vanessa" about his unhappy love affair with a women named Esther Vanhormrigh.  Van from her last name and essa from the poetic nic name for Esther.  It was written back in 1713.  Why would God need me to know that and where was he taking this? The next sunday at church our pastor preached a sermon about Jacob and how his name meant deceiver or heel puller.  The meaning of Jacobs name was constantly spoken over his life anytime anyone called him by his name.  "Hey deceiver.. come here deceiver.." Say that for years and years over a life and what do you think they will become? The cool part is that God gave Jacob a new name.  Genesis 35 v 10 Again God said to him, your name is Jacob (supplanter); you shall not be called Jacob any longer, but Israel shall be your name. So he called him Israel (contender with God). So, for Vanessa's whole life the underlying meaning of her name was spoken over her life... unhappy love affair.  Thanks Mum and Dad!  We were able to pray about it together and break off the lie.   God gave her a new meaning to her name, worshipper.  We also went with her middle name which I believe means Gods precious gift. I'm looking forward to seeing the positive relationships in her life become happy and lasting. I love how God takes us deeper, gives us instant teaching from unasked for sources and promptly sets us free.  Be free Vanessa, I love you my beautiful sister x

Healing increased my faith levels

I'm pretty excited about my day today. What started off looking like a disaster turned around and increased my faith levels.  I was up every two hours with my youngest who had a nasty cough and high temps and then in between with my eldest feeling much the same.  I was trying to ignore the fact that I was coming down with the same thing because Mums aren't aloud to get sick!  My husband left for work at 5am (ouch that's early) so there was no chance of any help with the girls.  After running up and down the stairs making breakfast in bed and getting drinks and medicine and rabbits and whatever else, I could feel myself falling apart.  I slumped on the toilet (its the only place to get a minute to myself) and couldn't get back up.  I was hot and cold, shaking, sniffing, nauseous, coughing, the works.  I need my Mum!!!  I cried out to God "Give me strength to get through this day... Please!!!"  It was like he was just sitting there waiting for me to ask for his help because in an instant I got up, shook it all off and got into my day.  Not only did I feel remarkably better I was able to enjoy the day having two very quiet and very cuddly girls.  Its as though God knows I don't have a Mum to come around in times of need so he gives me extra special care.  (oh yes, I'm one of his favourites, lol) I've prayed for healing before and waited and waited but this time he really did come through for me.  It's now 8.15pm and I'm still feeling good!  Luke 11 v 9 So I say to you, Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find; knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you.

Children are the fruit of what we sow.

Whilst watching my eldest daughter, hands on hips, face about 20cms from her sisters face, voice raised and attitude in high speed temper throw off, I was a little worried who she'd learnt this act from.  Ahh her father comes from italian decent, it must be from there, haha.  That night I asked God for some help with my child raising and as he speaks to us all in dreams I was excited to go to sleep.  The only problem was the dream I had was all about me and was more like a telling off than what I'd hoped for.  In my dream I was angry at my husband, I was blaming hormones and I was disgusted at my lack of self control.  Whoa, thats not so nice to be shown.  God spoke to me in the morning and said that my children are the fruit of what I sow.  He gave me a slide show of me on my 'off days'. You know, when you're tired and have had enough of been tugged at and demanded of and just let out a mighty roar and snap, losing control and teaching the children exactly what you don't want to see them doing.  (I'm sure I'm not alone here).  I went to God, I thanked him for showing me what I couldn't see with my own eyes and asked him to forgive my temper and lead me and teach me to keep self control.  Now before I lose it the holy spirit prompts me and I listen and obey. I either take a deep breath and think of a better approach or I walk out of temptations way ask for Gods peace put a smile on my face and deal in love. The difference it has made over the last week is incredible. God calls us to be teachers to our children, they copy all that they see, scary but true.  I love my girls and I want to show them unconditional love as best as I can, so they can grow up to be beautiful women that bear much fruit.

A God inspired letter

Today was an especially brilliant day.  A wonderful friend came over to watch my girls for a couple of hours so I could go out and have some 'me time'. This morning I had asked God for some quality time with him and so as I went to get out of my car at the shops I actually got back in the car and had 5mins with him first.  I was blessed with seeing two girlfriends (always a blessing to see friends) then blessed with some bargains for my girls and then to top it all off I was blessed by a beautiful shop assistant that God had a word for and I just didn't know how to say it without looking like some sort of crazy woman.  Firstly I felt that she was destined to be a singer (weird I know) so I asked her if she could sing. Hmm, well, she said she likes to sing to herself but not in public.  I left it at that and just chatted about the 'whatevers' until I left.  Tonight the girls were in bed early, my husband was working late so.. here was my time to soak in Gods presence that I so longed for.  I could not stop thinking about this girl.  So I wrote her a God inspired letter and I just have to share it with you.  Perhaps it will inspire you to do the same.  It's all about spreading the love right?
To the beautiful lady at the chicken shop,
When I was buying my chicken today I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are. I felt like I already knew you and I know I already asked if you could sing but what I really wanted to tell you was that there is a God and he truly loves you more than you can imagine.  It was like he was showing me what he saw in you and he was saying that he has a song for you.  It's your song and he sings it over you as you sleep. Actually I think he's always singing it to you.  He loves you with a deep, unconditional, passionate love.  There is nothing you can do or say to stop his love for you.
This is seriously the first time I've written to someone that I don't even know, about how much God loves them but I have been thinking about you ever since and I just know God is so desperate to be your friend and your Daddy.  Try him out, next time you have some spare time alone, close your eyes and open your heart. Ask him to be with you. He always shows up.  I pray this touches your heart and you find what I've been writing about.
With love
Shona

Can you ask God to make the rain go away?

I asked God to give me an aerial view, like a heavenly perspective on life.  He is so funny this is what he did.. I sat down with my girls to watch some cartoons and every single one had either astronauts, the moon or some sort of outer space content.  I had a little laugh because it wasn't exactly what I had in mind but then I wasn't too sure what I was really asking for anyway.  Then it dawned on me on Sunday as I was out for the day at the beach.  Now, it is winter so honestly going to the beach for the day is a little on the crazy side but the forecast was for a nice day and we really needed to get the jet ski out! On the way it started to rain and my daughter said "Mum, can you ask God to make the rain go away?" "I already have last night" I said. "Well Mum, can you ask him again...please!"So that's what I did, I asked God for a lovely day, no rain and no wind, then I added in a few extras that our friends we were meeting there would arrive safely and that we would be close by a good fish and chip shop and that God would pave the way for a fantastic day.  We arrived earlier than our friends and it was... cold and windy, with rain.  Come on God, don't let me down.  As we all met up and put the skis in the water the wind disappeared, the sun came out, we found perfect car parks right in front of where we wanted to sit on the beach and just around the corner from the best fish and chip shop ever!  It was a perfect day.  When you put God first and give him the way to pave he always puts a heavenly look on it. He brings heaven on earth in so many ways, this is just one little touch.  I call it a kiss from Jesus.

Out of the dark room

I love my husband and I love my children but after a lot of late nights with the little one waking up through the night and other pressures of life I was tired and irritable and not feeling 'the love'.  I really thought I was managing, keeping my smile on whilst in public but falling apart at home.  Friday morning I'd had enough. It was the biggest fight my husband and I had ever had and I was completely shaken.  I checked out flights for NZ, looked at rentals, I was ready to pack up and go.  I cried out to God, a lot.  I was sitting in the dark room of my heart for two days.  U know what I mean? There's the lovely room, where you hangout all the time when you first meet your spouse. U paint pretty pictures of them, dream about how wonderful they are.. you get the picture.  Over time you swap from room to room. The dark room which if you spend too much time in leads to divorce, is full of every time they say the wrong thing, forget an important date and basically mess up. Thats where I was hanging out. I was looking for anything I could get my hands on for ammunition and since its been 11years you can imagine there's a lot. I'd hate to see his dark room! By the end of saturday I went into my bedroom, sat down on my bed with my laptop and started to watch a livestream from glory gatherings from the thursday night.  It didn't really matter much about what they were talking about it was more the presence of God that flowed through the screen and started to shift me on the inside.  When I stopped trying to control the situation and work it out for myself and let God take on the battle for me... guess what? Thats exactly what he did.  Gods love took over, he told the lies that had been nursing themselves in my heart to leave.  My husband walked in and I jumped off the bed , threw my arms around him and we said sorry.  From that moment when I let God take over I had release.  Every piece of pain and sadness vanished.  I have never felt this much in love with my husband before.  We've got a long way to go to being the perfect couple and perfect parents but we're a whole lot closer when Gods in the middle.  I just want to give my thanks to Daddy God who never fails me. I love his extra long arms that wrap around and protect me.  He knows whats around the corner and its in him that I trust.

"God, you have half an hour to show up"

The more I'm getting to know God and how great he is the more I recognise the constant love he has for me.  It was friday afternoon and as I glanced through my Facebook I noticed a picture of a friend sitting in a deckchair waiting in line at citipoint church.  Instantly I remembered that Joyce Meyer was coming to Brisbane and I thought... could it be tonight?  Flicking through my laptop I was happily surprised that yes it was her and I'd better get my girls together late notice! I sent the message out, found a babysitter, cooked dinner picked up a friend got the youngest in bed and was out the door by 6pm.  Smelling like burnt pork chops mind you but out the door all the same.  There were four of us in the car, all very excited and expectant, and happy to have a night out.. no children.  Secured a nice carpark and walked a fair distance past the first overflow hall up to the second and oh no... we didn't make it into the main hall, it was full. So into the next overflow room we went.  Two of the girls went to the bathroom and the other two of us stayed in our seats.  Next to me (bless her) was an ever so slightly annoying lady who thought everything I said to my girlfriend was to her and I thought "God I know you love this woman and I do too, but I think she may be a bit of a distraction".  I turned to my girlfriend and suggested that if it wasn't any good in the first half hour we'd still have time to get to 'Glory Gatherings' to get in some worship time.  I then said out loud "God, you have half an hour to show up".  In less than a second my sister came up to us and said "We have seats in the main auditorium".  WHATTTTT???????  God you never let me down!  How great is our God.  Seriously he is always one better, always showering with his love, he's never-ending!! To top off a great night (Joyce Meyer is amazing and so funny) we were right at the side of the hall by the bookstall so had first option to buy books on our way out. Straight to the car, no waiting around or queuing and straight home. Start your everyday by asking God to pave the way and he does, his ways work!

He loves to catch my attention

Friday night and I had a dreams and visions conference to attend in the city starting at 7pm.  My sister who doesn't particularly like driving where she's unsure of the directions and usually comes with me was taking her own car and meeting me there.  I had put my youngest to bed and she was asleep, my husband was taking care of our other daughter and I was free to go... on my own for a change.  I was about 20minutes into the drive when my husband called saying the little one was awake and crying for me.  I was going to have to turn around and go home.  He said to carry on and he'd try his best to get her back to sleep.  Usually for Daddy... she stays up.  Now, after hearing this my heart sank as I'd had this conference pencilled in my calendar for months and it had been a trial getting the ok to go as it was.  I knew this was an attack on me not to go and so I started to pray.  Amazing how God already knows and had set it up so I was in the car by myself.. which never happens.  As I was praying I was taking authority over anything stopping me from going and telling it to 'hands off my family in Jesus name'.  I came to a stop in the traffic and standing out like a neon light was a brand new VW Gti Golf with the number plate saying 'prayer'.  I knew this was a visual from God and started to speak in tongues with so much more faith.  The next set of lights I came to I pulled up alongside the exact same car but with the numbers plate BW269. At a glance it looked like B W cope.. Brad will cope.  I laughed and continued praying.  The next lights same thing.. VW Golf this time it was black with the number plate 333OOO.  Hmm does the number 3 signify the trinity, father, son, holy spirit? Carrying on I came into some stand still traffic and so called my sister to see if she was lost yet.  Being totally set up by God, he loves to show us how much he loves us, she was sitting behind the bus behind me.  I pulled out and she was able to follow me the rest of the way.  When I arrived at the conference I messaged my husband and my baby (toddler) had gone back to sleep with no dramas and continued to sleep peacefully throughout the night.  God is the beginning and the end he knows my waking up and my lying down, he knows my thoughts before I even do and he has great plans for me.  He sets up beauty in so many different ways to catch our attention.. me a nice car, a drive by myself to spend time in prayer, a peaceful baby and a happy sister.  I am so blessed. And I had a great night out too!!

Spiritual Mum

Five years ago I started going back to church and gave my heart to God.  I had the privilege of being prophesied over and now 5 years on I'm starting to see it come true.  The prophet Julie, whom I'd never met before said she felt I'd missed out on a mother figure growing up and that God was going to make me into that mum for other young ladies.  She said I would be a mum to many, physically and spiritually.  She didn't know but at that stage I had just found out I was pregnant and now I'm fortunate enough to have two beautiful daughters.  I was wandering when I was going to start being a spiritual Mum to many and as I look at the girls around me I have noticed the increasing number of girls from 18-26 in my life.  I'm so blessed to be a part of their lives and it is such a wonderful feeling knowing I'm in the right place in my life.  Loving God and ministering to young women. God loves to use our growth through the dark times in our lives to bless others.  He never gives us anything we can't handle and he always turns everything into good.  Romans 8 v 28 We are assured and know that all things work together and fitting into a plan for good to and for those who love God and are called according to his design and purpose. If you're going through a hard time, where you don't know why it's all coming against you keep your faith in God because he will use it for good.  We have to live through the tough times to build character and also to gain trust and understanding from the ones we're about to meet going through similar circumstances that need our help.

vulnerability

I need to be in a place of vulnerability.  Isn't that a scary thought?  To take a look inside your heart and find boxes that have been wrapped and rewrapped and stuck way down deep in a corner somewhere with a few nasty walls and hedges around them.  We all have them. A Dad that didn't live up to standard, a friend that was always going to be there and then just left, a teacher that picked on you, a church that didn't encourage your endeavours... the list goes on and on.  We have these hurts and instead of giving it to God who covers all sin we package it away and try to forget they exist.  Having these boxes and holding on to the pain leaves us with hard shells.  For years I have become hardened to seeing families with loving dads. My dad was pretty much removed from my life when my parents divorced at the age of 10.  He was still around but the childlike heart of adoring him was cut short.  I was jipped of my dream of growing up with a 'normal' family and it hurt to watch others that still had it.  I hardened my heart, boxed up the pain put a few walls around it and moved on.  Only to find that its really hard to accept Gods love when I can't accept my Dad's.  To be vulnerable is to open the box and let God in there to heal.  To be vulnerable is to cry when I hurt, whenever, wherever. It's the vulnerable heart that lets others in close. It releases pain in others so they can find healing too. Take a moment, put on some soft music and open your heart to God.  He will find the boxes and take you on a journey of unravelling and healing. All you have to do is ask. Ask and receive.

Coffee, such a blessing!!

It was monday morning and I was out buying the groceries as usual. I stopped at merlo coffee to buy some beans for my coffee machine and they gave me a complementary coffee to take away.  Being close to God and leading a spirit filled life I am beginning to pick up on his quiet voice and follow his directions more and more readily.  I held the delicious smelling coffee in my hand and felt prompted to take it straight to my sisters work to give it to her.  So we piled in the car, groceries, children and I and off we drove.  We walked into the daycare centre to find her sitting in the staff room almost about to finish her break.  I handed her the coffee gave her a love and went to leave. Her boss and another staff member asked what I was doing there and I said I was just bringing a coffee in for my lovely sister.  What I didn't know was that morning my sister had been in a rush and hadn't had time for a coffee and had commented to God that she needed one. Not only was it perfect timing with her break but she had actually asked God for one, and not only that but her colleges had just witnessed Gods love through my obedience.  And it hadn't cost me a thing.  Such a simple thing for me to do that created such a blessing for others.  I encourage you to learn to hear Gods spirit talking to you.  Whether it be out shopping and you get that uncomfortable feeling inside not to buy that expensive shirt because there's one on sale just around the corner or just like me and having a thought to take a coffee to a friend.  If you can learn to trust and respond quickly to Gods voice he can lead you into so much joy and it just escalates more and more throughout your everyday living.

abortion spirit

Two months before my mum died she came to me and apologised for not wanting me when I was born.  She recalled the doctor saying she had a beautiful healthy baby girl and she was so upset believing that a baby boy would've won over my Dad and saved her marriage.  As a 15 year old I thought 'well thanks mum I was happier not knowing that but anyway I forgive you.' 19 years later I was sent a link of a women who had heard God telling her she had an abortion spirit. "You have the spirit of abortion in you because you do not value children as you ought.  You see them as a burden and something that would inconvenience your life."After reading this I started to tremble inside, there was definitely something not happy within me and so I went into my bedroom and began to pray and wait on God.  He took me back to when my mum was pregnant with me and showed me her inner secrets of her heart that I was not wanted.  From that moment on a spirit of abortion had followed me causing me to not be able to connect as I should've with my girls.  I had put it down to post natal depression and had tried to move on from it.  No matter how hard I tried to be in love with my girls, particularly my eldest there was always something missing.  I told the demon to leave and reaffirmed my forgiveness to my mum and slowly throughout the week I have noticed things in my home changing.  Its as though God is flowing all around me, his grace and mercy are teaching me to love my girls without it being hard work. He also showed me that the abortion spirit is so rampant in our day to day life.  It can be seen  in the way we so quickly and so easily give up on things when the going gets tough or when opposition comes agains us.  We abort our friendships, abort our marriages, our jobs, our churches, our commitments, our faith, even our youth are aborting their life with suicide, drugs etc.  After I had researched and the holy spirit had lead me to all this extra information about the abortion spirit I realised how much more of an effect it had on me, not just with my children.  I hardly ever would read a book through to the end, I would always be starting things and not finishing them... abortion spirit, you're no longer welcome here!  I pray that for those identifying with this now as you read that the power of God with his grace and mercy will set you free and come flooding around your life as he has mine.  I pray for freedom in your life and for his love to fill you deeply. Amen

faced fears = jet ski!!

I really love how God has this way of taking seemingly random exercises and places them together to solve a much bigger issue.  I'm talking about a few weeks ago when I wrote about fear and how I was learning to trust God in all things and remove fear from my life. Last week I shared with you about the pain of my mums death and this week God has put them together to show me how fear can steal away precious moments that ultimately should lead to joy.  You see when I met my husband he had a 701 superjet pole ski and on it he won 2nd place in Australia.  I fell in love with his passion and ability to succeed in everything he tried.  We eventually sold his ski and all toys to start our life of buying a house and cars etc.  Then children came along and with it the fear, for me, of dying and leaving my girls with no Mum.  It had so sneakily wrapped itself around me I hadn't even noticed.  I lost the adventure in me and started to fear the worst in pretty much everything.  My husband had looked at buying another jet ski and I had steered him away from it.  I had crushed him with my fear which eventually if left like it was would more than probably drive us down a very sad and boring existence full of emptiness and regret.  But our God is so great he never lets us go that far with out showing us a key or a safety line to grab.  So this is where he pulls it all together.  He pulled me out of the shadow of death and the fear of it by unveiling the hurt I was holding about Mum... last week.  He then in all his humour stops our heater timer on 7:01, then  as my husband opens his Facebook page theres a picture of a 701.  I say "thats supernatural" and have a laugh.  The very next night I was at my friends and we were soaking in Gods presence listening to music and the first thing to pop into my mind is... u guessed it.. a 701.  God very clearly showed me that my fears were stopping my husband from living to his fullness, and it was teaching my children to fear and to top it all off I was hindering myself of fun.  I went home very excited and told my husband he needed to buy a jet ski!! (wish you could see his face).  Within 12 hours he had caught up with an old friend from 10 years ago who happened to know someone bringing the exact model in from the states and they will be here tomorrow.  So not really knowing how we are going to pay for it... we have a jet ski ready for running in on saturday!!! God speed? I think so.  And the best part??? I'm free to be a child again, free to enjoy life.  To be the fun Mum I'd dreamt of being, having a go at everything and knowing that through it all God is by my side, with Angels ready to step up at any time.  No more fear for me. God has set me free!!
I found this written by Sally Miller and thought it be appropriate to share. She has paraphrased Psalm 23v4, Isaiah 41v10 and 1 John 4v18. I hope you like it.
IN TIMES OF FEAR
Don't be scared even in the shadowy places. I am God. I am in charge. Wherever you go, I'm with you - overseeing, protecting, guiding, loving. Don't panic. I am God. I'll give you strength and help, ideas and opportunities. When it seems like your safety net is fraying, I'll scoop you up in my gentle-but-calloused hands and hold you.
Remember, when you're held in My love there's no room for fear.  My love around you is so big it doesn't leave even a molecule of space for worry or anxiety.  The only time fear comes is when you think punishments ominous, nefarious shadow follows you.  I am God - a God of love.  I don't want to hurt you; I want to fulfill you through love.  Let me gently catch you, show you who you are, and who I'm making you to be: one perfected in My love.

Mum dies in tragic car accident

It's my Mums birthday today. She would've been 67.
I was only 15 years old, full of life and mischief.  Mum was taking my boyfriend and I down to stay at my  Dads for a few days of the school holidays.  We were talking about the beautiful day and the snow on the mountains and how we wouldn't be skiing that year but Mum would like to take me to Australia.  The car hit black ice on the bridge and spun out of control hitting the bank on the other side and killing my Mum.  I was flown to hospital by helicopter and when I came to my whole world came crashing down.  For me I wanted everything to stop.  I didn't want to think about living, about my future, about where I was going to live. I just wanted to go and hide, run away from it all, to be by myself so I could get my head around it and cry and cry and cry. But that didn't happen.  I was moved out of my home and into my Aunties.  Kept away from my sisters and my Dad and told to move on.  Every year on my Mums birthday, mothers day, christmas, my birthday, the date of the accident I would have a little tear, find some strength and smile through the day. Usually not saying much about how I was truly feeling to anyone. Just moving on.  This year, 19 years later it feels different.  I have cried all day. Both girls are at daycare and I'm actually on my own. I can hear God saying to me 'its ok to feel'.  Why does it hurt so much more when the walls come down and the pain is still there? It's like I have to break for God to mend me.  I'm allowed to feel hurt, I'm allowed to miss my Mum.  It's just crazy how long its taken me to understand that.  When you lose a Mum there's no replacing her, she leaves a massive gap.  But God has this way of filling in the missing pieces, he's always there with me.  He lets me cry and he gives me more than a shoulder to cry on. He wraps me in his love and gives me peace that passes all understanding.  Without Gods love, without the hope of seeing her again, I have nothing. He is my strength now, he is my hope, he is my parents, he is my best friend, he is my teacher, my comforter, my everything.

More encouragement please?

Do you find yourself waiting for someone, sometimes anyone, to give you the encouragement or approval you feel you need to keep going?  This has been on my heart lately and I'm seeing it more and more in myself and others the more I look.  I made a picture for my daughters room and spent a bit of time on it cutting out felt birds and making it look just so.  The first thing I wanted was for my husband to see it and say how good it looked.  Which he did.  In a man way which never has quite the enthusiasm I'd like but never the less he gave his approval and it made me pleased with my effort.  We had friends over on the wednesday and I was also happy when my girlfriend asked if I had made it and gave me her praise that I'd done a good job.  My inlaws stayed over  the weekend and I'd navigated the way into the bedroom to maybe get some notice but nothing was said.  How easy for me to get offended.  Had they even seen it?  Probably not.  But satan was getting in my head saying 'they don't like you, you're not very special, your cooking must be bad too because they didn't comment on it....bla bla bla.  Is it really that important to hear others approval?  We should know that if we rely on others to say the right thing we are going to live a life of disappointment.  Having self worth is important, so is not listening to satan's discouragement.  I know that my inlaws love me, I know they enjoy my cooking and I could really waste precious energy beating myself up about something that doesn't even exist.  If we know that God is for us then it shouldn't matter what others say or what they think of us.  Romans 8 v 31 If God is for us, who can be against us?  Psalm 118 It is better to trust and take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in man.  The bible is full of learning gems telling us not to put our hopes on man but to hope on and trust in God.  Don't be discouraged when the words you want to hear don't come through for you from others. Remember that God's always with you cheering you on, so look to him for your every need. Also be the one that encourages others, you never know how badly they need to hear how great they look or well they're doing.  Be a blessing to those around you and you will be blessed in return.

Powerful waves of cleansing water

 I spoke to my friend that I haven't seen for a few months yesterday and what is truly amazing is that God had shown me a vision about her the day before.  I had seen her as a seal balancing a ball on her nose and on stage for all to see.  This is how her life has been, bystanders just waiting for her to mess up and drop the ball, always on display for people to judge.  How easy it is for us to be a bystander, ready and waiting to applaud or judge.  Have you ever thought what a struggle that gives the poor seal to perform under that pressure?  As we prayed together we saw God pulling her out of that place and setting her free.  Free to swim in the beautiful sea, washed over with the powerful waves of cleansing water.  Swimming into new depths and free.  As I was driving home this morning tears started flooding out from eyes as I thought of her hardships and pain.  God had given me a glimpse of how hard the past few years had been for her and it was breaking my heart. I love my dear friend so much and yet I had not let myself feel her pain.  I had been waiting for change to come for her and having hope for great things to be in her life but I had never felt like this before.  I was so grieved in my spirit to think I hadn't been there nearly enough for her and it took my heavenly Daddy to show me I had been like a bystander. I'm so sorry my beautiful friend.  I'm also so happy that we could paint this beautiful picture together of a new freedom and I pray that this resonates in the hearts of those reading this to be careful how you look at your friends.  Always have love and mercy.  Make a commitment to love with your words and build confidence in others.  Matthew 12 v 36 But I tell you, on the day of judgement men will have to give account for every idle word they speak.  So be careful the words you chose to speak about a person because you will be accountable for them.  Words are seeds of power, they can be uplifting and encouraging and produce a good harvest or destructive and produce a bad harvest for your life and those around you.  If when you're reading this you find yourself thinking yes, I'm like the seal, always messing up and always being criticised, always being judged I'm telling you that's not how God wants it to be for you.  Jesus offers freedom, a place of rest and peace.  I pray that God will give you the grace to forgive those that have made you feel judged and that he floods over you with his love and freedom.  If you find yourself saying yes, I'm a bystander I look at others and judge them, I pray that you will be able to receive Gods grace and forgiveness and instead of watching from the stands that you will jump in and help them swim to safety. May God bless your day today with great friends.

In heavenly places embrace me

When I'm standing in your presence I'm made blameless
When I call upon your name you're always there
Angels fighting for me remain nameless
Shouting holy to the one beyond compare

Your spirit draws me in and fills me
My cup overflows with your goodness
Your love knows no bounds nor your mercy
Sweet honey to my lips is your taste

I shall sing of your glory forever
praises of grace are my sword
truth wrapped around me
I shall fear not
You are my God
My Lord

In heavenly places embrace me
Lift me up to sit by your throne
On my knees I shall fall
because you forgave all
then you say stand up, you are home

Dance with me Daddy
I love you
Sweep me up off my feet
My dear friend
To have you so close
everyday of my life
I am blessed
I am blessed
I am blessed

Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you

Did you know that fear is a sin? God tells us so many times in the bible not to be afraid of the things of the world.  Luke 12 v 4-5 I tell you, my friends, do not dread and be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have nothing more they can do. But I warn you whom you should fear: fear him who, after killing, has the power to hurl into hell; yes I say to you, fear him!
I was visiting my niece on the weekend and she was telling me about the ghosts in her house. Strange noises, faces popping around corners, singing in the night etc.  Instantly I got a little fearful of what was there spiritually and what it could do to my girls.  I later went home and my oldest daughter woke up in the night with a high fever and bad dreams, there were monsters in her room.  I prayed over her and all through the night I was troubled with dreams of evil spirits entering my house and honestly I was freaked out.  Fear gripped me and I lost the faith in my authority as a daughter of God.  We are seated in heavenly places and have the authority through jesus to cast out demons and trample on snakes and heal the sick (Luke 10v19). I was confused how an evil spirit could have any authority to follow me home and invade my daughters health and my dreams.  Last night at my friends house I was sharing what had happened and I learnt that fear is a sin, and any sin in our lives leaves a spiritual doorway open for satan to attack.  So I repented of my sin of fear,  I took the authority given to me from God and we sent angels to be around my nieces house.  I had an overwhelming sense of peace and had the best sleep. As did my daughter, her fever had completely gone and she was able to go to daycare today.  I have learnt such a valuable lesson out of this. What we keep in our thoughts and what comes out of our mouths impact our everyday lives not just physically but also spiritually.  I encourage you to be transformed by the renewal of your mind (Romans 12 v 2) don't let fear have a hold on you, but fear God... Love what he loves and hate what he hates. His power and love is far greater than that of this world.

God's perfect love casts out all fear

There's this really amazing part to God that he calls revelation.  It's when you read the same thing a million times and say oh yeah that's lovely and then the million and one time you read it you go ohhh I get that... revelation.  It happened to me on the weekend and I just have to share.  I believe that this is the year of declaring out loud what God has promised you.  And he clearly said to me that i need to start declaring my love for my husband.  All week even when he's not around I've been saying out loud.. I love my husband. The more I say it and the more I hear it the more in love with him I'm becoming. Even after 10 years of being together.  So here's where revelation hit me. I have read the verse 1 John 4 v18 so many times but truthfully I didn't understand it.  It says that God's perfect love casts out all fear.  So as I was scraping the play dough off the tiles outside I had this thought that I could have two completely different scenarios with this cleaning. One in fear that my husband would be angry that I'd let the girls drop play dough all over the tiles, or one in love, that out of respect towards my husband I needed to clean up this mess to protect the house he has worked hard to provide us with.  When done out of love it is a pleasure and it builds the marriage and grows great fruit. When done out of fear it builds walls of resentment and bitterness.   Love is a choice. I encourage you to start declaring it around your life because what comes out of your mouth is a sign of what is in your heart.

Back pain healed through forgiveness

On thursday afternoon i started getting some pain in my back.  This happens on occasion so I thought nothing of it and just moved on with the day.  By friday morning the pain had increased and by friday afternoon I could hardly walk.  The pain was so unbearable by friday night I couldn't shower myself, I couldn't get into bed and honestly, I couldn't move without screaming in agony.  I tried to stand up straight but my right hip had twisted about 5cm above where it should be. It have never been so scared to move before.  Saturday was much the same.  The pain exceeded past just physical.  It was now emotional and spiritual. Let me explain.  Being limited to very little movement I couldn't hold my little girls. Hearing my husband trying to look after them and trying to do his office work and losing his patience was breaking my heart.  I have never had to sit back and let someone else do my job, it was emotionally painful.  Spiritually, I felt like I was being attacked.  I kept singing to God and thanking him for being with me, I was quoting scripture, everything I could to get this oppression off me.  My husband said to me on Sunday morning "I'm taking you to church, they have miracles there, maybe you can get some of this healing you're always going on about".  So helping me into the car he dropped me off at the front door of church and I limped my way in.  Being my lovely big church family I instantly felt loved, ushered to the front row they were about to pray for me whether I had come or not.  I felt warmth and my body was trembling. The pain began to lift and by the end of the service I could move around freely and had dropped from a 10 to a 2 on a pain level.  God is truly amazing. Its crazy how without actually doing anything to physically damage my back it could just start twisting.  It was like all the emotions and pain I'd been carrying on the inside were effecting my outside.  I had built up frustration and hurt and was feeling bitter which gave satan an open door to come in and attack me.  He's a sneaky devil and sometimes it takes a blow like this one to realise when there's unforgiveness inside towards others its leeway for satan to attack.  The pain had started to sneak back on sunday afternoon and it was then that I realised I needed to dig deeper and release the burdens I was carrying.  God doesn't give us pain or bad backs, we do that ourselves by our own freewill. God can only do good because God is love.  He just shows us the way and offers healing for our pain, forgiveness for our sin and love for our life.

Heavenly eyes give a new perception

I learnt a very valuable lesson this week about what perspective we look at things in our life and how it can either hinder or help our situation.  It all started while I was in westend with my girls playing at the park.  I was beginning to compare myself to the people around me, mostly hippies, and was feeling envious of their apparent freedom.  I started thinking about the beautiful house I live in and the dream my husband has followed of having the best of everything and how I had fitted into his dream so nicely.  It started eating at me that who I had become wasn't what I really wanted to be and all I wanted to do was move into a place where I could be free to make a mess, blue tack pictures on the walls, splash paint about without a care, and to be honest I started having massive regrets. I cried out to God "I"m not happy with my life, it's not fair!"  The next day my oldest daughter brought two books in for me to read.  One was about a toy that was scared of the dark only to find that the monsters he was seeing at night were only furniture and clothes in the morning.  The other was about a whale that liked to watch the pretty little fish but the pretty little fish would see the whale staring at them thinking he wanted to eat them.  Both showed a deceptive perception. Later that evening I sat down with my girls and we watched 'bananas and pyjamas'.. same thing. They thought a shadow on the wall was a monster but it was only their friend dusting. Next it was 'Storytrain Dan', same sort of thing.  God was trying to tell me I was looking at things with the wrong eyes.  I asked God to give me heavenly eyes to see.  Because our God is a great God who sees things how they should be, he sees the gold in everything and in everyone and when we ask him to show us how he sees us its totally different.  God changed my perception and in an instant I went from down to up.  I have a garage if I really want to get messy with paint. And honestly if there was something I really wanted to put up on the walls I'm sure I could talk my husband around.  I had pointed my finger at what was around me and blamed it for my unhappiness when really i was just being lazy.  With my heavenly eyes I look at my husband and see a great provider.  I look at my girls and see beautiful mess makers.  I look at my garage and see a new office.  Where there's a will theres a way.  Its all about finding the dream and pursuing it.

My heavenly Daddy

You may have heard the name daddy God and you may not have.  Some might say its a little weird to refer to God as a daddy but maybe after I share my next story it will give you a greater understanding.
I was driving with my family home from a birthday party and was particularly tired.  It was a good 45minute drive and I just wanted to get home.  As I was overtaking a car on the motorway my husband said "speed camera" and instead of breaking I swerved to the other lane just about took out another car and all the while going 120km in a 100 km zone in a company car.  I pride myself on keeping to the speed limit and it really took me by surprise how fast I was going.  The flash of the camera surprised me also.  I got the 3rd degree from my husband as you can imagine, and ended my day feeling pretty miserable.  I prayed to God and asked if he could pay it for me.  A week went by and then another, all the while I was trying to keep my faith but constantly checking the mail box.  God said to me "why are you checking for the fine? Don't you know I'm your Daddy and thats what Daddy's do?" Not having a lot to do with my own dad since my parents divorced at the age of 10, I haven't had a Dad to pay for mistakes I make and help me out when I'm in trouble. To this day I've never received a fine.  God is my Daddy and he loves to help me out.  I have not been over the speed limit since!! Thank you Daddy God.

Thank you Toby, The Lord is good!

I was watching a show on Sunday night called 'new girl'.  One of the flatmates in the show reminded me so much of an old client Toby.  He must've made an impact on me because the next day I was driving with my sister telling her about him.  As I was telling her a song came on my iPod by Toby Mac. Hmm two Toby's thats funny.  While out shopping I pulled out a T Shirt with the name Toby on it.  We had a little laugh hmm three toby's in one day what are you trying to tell me God?  The next day I was out visiting a friend and I remembered the three Toby's and I asked her if she knew any Toby's.  With a surprised look she said "Yes that's the name of the boy I was just talking about!"  I went home thinking about my now four Toby's in 24hours and took to trusty Google to find out what Toby means.  When the meaning popped up I had a smile from ear to ear.  It means 'The Lord is good'!!!  And that he is!  I love his sense of humour and I love how he talks to me with all types of media and senses.  Keep your eyes and ears open because God is always trying to get our attention. When your focus is on him you'll start to pick up on the little signs he gives us to show he's always there. Thank you God for keeping life interesting and thank you for all the Toby's out there.  The Lord is good, ha ha!

Hearing Gods voice

We were in Taupo staying at the Hilton, my husband, two girls and myself.  I was standing by myself in the lounge area when i heard a still small voice saying "Shona, go out onto the decking and you will see your sister drive past".  My sister had been staying in Napier about a 2hour drive away and I had been wanting to spend some time with her.  I walked out onto the decking and the first car to drive past was my sister!!  I said wow God you are so thoughtful and your timing is perfect.  My husband came in and I told him what had happened, he called her and sure enough she had just driven past.  We were able to spend the best part of the day together and it truly made my holiday!  It's so important to learn to recognise Gods voice so we can grasp and enjoy the blessings he has for us.  Let me encourage you to take the time to get to know God.  The more you read his word and seek his holiness the closer he becomes to your everyday living.

paid daycare fees!

My sister had some unfortunate news from her daughters daycare where she also works part time, that she had an enormous bill that needed to be paid in two days time.  Centrelink had failed to inform her that they only cover the majority of her bill up to an excess of 42 sick days.  Our trip away at xmas had made her go over the allotted amount by just over $1000.  We went to centrelink to try and plead our case and on the way I prayed that God would show us compassion and drop the fee to $0.  Centrelink could not help us, but our God is so faithful I knew he wouldn't let us down.  The manager at the daycare had managed to get a drop in the fee by an amazing 50% because she was employed there but that still wasn't what we had prayed for never the less we were pretty happy to have the drop.  A few days later and miraculously their computer wasn't putting the bill through.. we knew God was up to something!  My sister's boss had called through to centrelink and landed on the phone with a very compassionate lady who searched diligently for any possible way to eradicate the payment and she found a way, and all glory to God, the bill was dropped to $0!!!!!  What a great God we serve.  He listens to every prayer and when you earnestly seek him he always answers.

first blog ever!!

I was woken from a deep sleep at 2.30am last tuesday morning.  I had a heartfelt passion to hear peoples everyday testimonies of Gods amazing love and favour.  So being an obedient daughter of God I'm stepping out of my shelter and allowing you to follow me and join in with me on an amazing journey.  I'm setting a challenge to have a fresh God encounter every week.  To share with you how large God's heart is and deep his love goes. And hopefully to hear your stories too.

This is my first story.

It was christmas eve and my husband, myself and our two daughters were waiting at the Auckland domestic airport.  We started chatting to a lady who was also waiting.  Turns out she had been waiting all day for a flight to Napier to be with her family for Christmas day.  All flights were fully booked and she had been there for sometime.  After her saying that she was going to give up waiting as there was absolutely nothing free I took the liberty to pray for her.  Just a quick little prayer asking God to get her home for Christmas.  Within two minutes the airport attendant approached her and said she had a spare seat come up.  Thank you God!